Jenny, I want to offer condolences for the pain you and your children have experienced. I went through something similar, and I know that particular hell. I want you to know that there is every reason to believe you will find real love with a healthy, stable person who will treat you as you deserve to be treated, and your life will be better than it has ever been. That is what happened to me. Stay strong.

Did he lie about other things to other people, but always revealed those lies to you?

Congrats to you for living up to your own standards.

As a SC state resident who has endured all the slings and arrows to my fortunes as a direct result of Sanford’s incompetence, I am truly anxious for this extremely hypocritical person to be ancient history. Sanford as senator was right on board with the impeachment of Clinton, saw absolutely nothing wrong with that. Nor, apparently, after reading his wife’s account, did he have a whit of problem with his infidelity – and his continuing to remain employed at state expense. I don’t see what he has done for this state except to provide more fodder to embarrass it citizens. Her book is a waste of paper and ink. I won’t even buy it when it hits the shelves of the Dollar Tree in a month or so. Both of these individuals need to do some long hard thinking about what it means to be a public servant. We all have problems. But I doubt most people are truly interested in them. Eleanor Roosevelt knew of her husband’s affairs and they were a source of tremendous pain. But look at all she did, how she rose above all that and accomplished much in spite of it. Why not travel to the corridor of shame schools your husband ignored and make your legacy correcting all the things he clearly had no time for, for obvious reasons?

I saw a piece on Democracy Now! about I think it’s called The Family in Washington DC, that purports to be religious (I think they held the prayer breakfast the president just attended recently?), and basically they think might makes right, and the norm is the kind of behavior of Governor Sanford. If not the norm, it is not forbidden. There are many in that sort of political Force in DC, and apparently their morality extends outside Washington DC.
Is that in the book?

I forgot, Democracy Now! pointed to Sanford as a member of the group, The Family or whatever it’s called. And it seemed like the root of connectedness was “The Family” not the actual home.

jeffe, she’s saying that this “dirt” for a high-profile politician (or etc.) is very different than for someone less exposed. She says people like Governor Sanford quickly become “disconnected,” due to the vastness of their public selves, I think.

This is the stuff that tabloids are made of! I can
understand that Jenny Sanford was badly hurt but her philandering husband but how short-sighted!! Has she no idea what collateral damage this will cause her children!?
Is it really worth it for the book sales and fees she is getting for her interviews. This is a sad story which just got much, much sadder.

The posts are beginning to be tit for tat, a little like the abortion debate: Do I get to make decisions for you? To tell you judgmentally that I know better than you?

As a resident of Fort Mill, South Carolina and someone who has voted for Governor Sanford (that will NEVER happen again) I am saddended for Jenny and her sons. Mr. Sanford has obviously done you and continues to do you all a disservice.

However, he continues to also do a great disservice to the folks of this state by not resigning.

On day one he resigns as head of the Republican governors conference, yet he still clings to his office here. Now he quotes Scripture and says he’s doing God’s calling. Dang…there sure is nothing as vulgar or more nauseating as the pretense of piety.

I wonder if Mark Sanford would still be governor if he’d been having an affair with a man or a black woman?

Jenny, please stand up for the people of this state and call on your soon to be ex-husband to resign NOW.

Could you please ask Jenny if she felt differently about the affair because her husband was actually in love with this other woman rather than just “messing around.” I would like to add that she is a strong, inspiring woman. Thank you

Grit and Grace…

If I was her father, I could not be more proud of how she has behaved.

I have to admit that I felt sympathy for her until she tried to blame the dissolution of her “perfect” relationship on gay marriage. Seriously?

Oh, right. Because men weren’t cheating on their wives – or women on their husbands, for that matter – before gays were allowed to marry.

That’s a terrific example for your children. Shame on you.

I admire Jenny Sanford for the strength she has shown in the past year. Yet, I have to ask how she reconciles her wish to protect her sons from the fallout of the scandal with her decision to write a book about it and to promote it on national television and radio?

I wish Tom would ask Ms. Sanford about her stance on equal rights for gay and lesbians. The Governor remains opposed to gay marriage, gay civil unions and gay adoption. Does she also? Isn’t there an obvious hypocrisy here?

I’m guessing maybe Jenny Sanford hasn’t been drenched in issues about gay equal rights the way she has about divorce and infidelity. That’s asking a lot.

Whenever a public affair such as this is discussed we always draw very clear blame lines. The victim and the perpetrator. We demonize the perpetrator and we canonize the victim. That’s what you and every other media outlet promoting Ms. Sanford’s book, are doing here. Would you please ask Ms. Sanford what her role was in the breakdown of this marriage. I can almost guarantee you that Mark Sanford would not have allowed himself to make these stupid and tragic mistakes if he had had a strong, joyful, romantic marriage at home. Ms. Sanford was one half that marriage and she bears one half of the responsibility for its success or failure. In this case, it failed. But in all the interviews I have heard with her, I have yet to hear her address this key issue. What did she do wrong? Surely she is not a complete saint. To address this issue would help all of us understand better the challenges of marriage – whereas your current discussion does little to this end, but simply paints her as an angelic victim and him as a philandering demon. Surely that is not accurate, and it is certainly not helpful.

Why do we need this? This is just more celebrity gossip and sensationalism. I’m sure many women wish they could publish books about their husband’s infidelity. Revenge can seem sweet. But don’t call her “first lady”. No lady would dream of spilling all on mass media. This is–or should be– a private matter between spouses.

Shame on On Point. Other males and females have been unfaithful. Are you going to interview all of them? This is not news. This is like the daytime talk shows, Jerry Springer, etc. Get back to real news.

Oh, is that what she said. I missed it. Aaargh. I hope she revisits that perspective. Ahem.

I am from Columbia and I feel sorry for the children, but Mark Sanford treated his family like he treats our state. He may be frugal, but he sends his kids to private schools as ours are crumbling and flies first class as our roads are the unsafest in the nation. One cannot separate the politics of self righteousness with this tragedy.

Please ask Jenny: Is convinced that this affair was his one and only affair.

Carolann

… more anecdotes about her husband’s endearing, “quirky,” frugality. I’ll repeat my post from above:

Jenny Sanford relates many anecdotes about how her husband was very frugal (cheap, in fact).

I would ask if she ever really knew this man who was obviously a habitual hypocrite and liar.

Flying himself and his lover back and forth to carry on a long distance love affair over years isn’t very cheap, and must have cost an immense amount of money.

It sounds like this man was only “cheap” when it came to his family, but certainly not when it came to his own selfish pleasure.

Tis interview says it all….if she cares so much for her sons why call them self-absorbed on national TV?

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-february-8-2010/jenny-sanford

Maybe enough of this genuflecting in front of a regular story? If it were more normal for a middle aged man married for a long time to a middle aged woman to fall in love with somebody else, there would not be a problem with him “coming out” with this love story, separating from his family (or not) and continuing with his career etc. When this faithfulness bs stops, good it may be for some lucky ones, when a wife or husband wear a catheter?

Jenny is describing the behavior of a person who suffers from the narcissistic personality disorder … kind when convenient otherwise cold … doting when convenient, otherwise self-absorbed and ignorant of needs of people around him. The cheapness … the affair … letting her drive in a snowstorm a car she didn’t understand … he is a fullblown personality disorder

Jenny Sanford, I admire you beyond words. Several callers expressed what I would like to, if I had the words!

I wanted to suggest something: perhaps Mark Sanford has a very slight, very high level of Aspergers Syndrome. A psychiatrist who specializes in this matter would be able to help with this idea, tho they probably wouldn’t “diagnose”, per se, without Mark in attendance. I have been told that a program at Yale University has the deepest level of understanding about Aspergers. Everything that you say about him, and every way in which you read his behaviors over the years, makes me think I am correct on this.

As a daily listener to OnPoint I must say I am truly disappointed in this broadcast. If you choose to do a show on this person and her book, why not ask the tough questions? Could you not simply put a link to her amazon purchase page on your website and treat us to something of substance?

Jenny Sanford’s brand of you-go-girl conservative righteousness is right up there with Sarah Palin’s insidious backwards “feminism”. It gestures towards women’s empowerment, but it actually serves to support a very narrow, particular definition of gender roles: Women must be devoted servants to the cause of maintaining white, Christian, male dominance – devoted, devoted, devoted…to husbands, sons, and finally, when all else fails, to Jesus, who in Jenny’s own words, “never disappoints”.

ooops, I missed part of the show, so I must have missed the part about gays/gay marriage. I’ll have to wait for the podcast, but, if Jenny has prejudice there, I may have to amend my comment, above. But, I still make my suggestion in my second paragraph.

I’d just like to say that a lot has been said about how inspirational Ms. Sanford is to women who have gone through similar experiences, but -in fact- I believe she is also an important model for men whose wives have been unfaithful as well.

her book is about money and revenge nothing more. Nice to see her trying to profit from her husbands cheating was she also part of the “Family”?

I am disappointed in you, Tom, for wasting our time with Mrs. Sanford. With all the serious issues facing the US and the world, why would you turn On Point into an adjunct of Peoples’ Magazine?

From where I sit, Mrs. Sanford made a calculated decision to ride the fame and glory train operated by Mark, despite many warning signs. She got burned, and she has made another calculated decision to leave him, thinking, I’m sure, that life on the talk show circuit and revenue from appearances and books was the more lucrative way to go–now that Mark is in the dumpster. I can’t imagine anything more worthless upon which to report,

Generally, Tom, your show is good. This is only the second time I’ve felt compelled to write critically of it. That other time involved a show on a woman from rural Iowa, who carried with her into old age the scars of being taunted by city kids in her high school. Now that I think of it, that show was more interestinbg than today’s.

I am I the only one who sees what this show is? Jenny Sandford is on a publicity tour for her book. This was part of that. Like I said before, I’m sorry she married a creep but do we need to have this boring soap opera on air?

This is an episode out of All My Children…

Having been betrayed recently, I appreciate someone talking about this in an intelligent manner. The opposite of a soap opera, this is a profound reality. Too often women are asked to put aside their feelings to please others. I am glad she did not.

I missed the first 20 minutes or so of this program, but when I tuned in I heard what I expected to hear…someone who is essentially the flip side of her soon-to-be ex-husband. My parents live in SC, and I visit them periodically (more so in the past year because my dad broke his hip, then later my mom was diagnosed with stage-3 cancer).

I have listen to politics and politicians from SC very carefully because of my connection to that state. I heard Mark Sanford address the General Assembly during the issues with his not wanting to take Stimulus money; which, SC has been hit hard by our national economic crisis and schools in that state are literally crumbling from disrepair. Unemployment is high, their employment securities commission is a mess, and many jurisdictions have had a tough time meeting payroll in providing essential services such as police, fire fighters, teachers, etc., and it seemed a shame that Governor Sanford had to be forced to take Stimulus money to help keep the state afloat. His response/opposition seemed more in the realm of ideological and political posturing than in the mindset of governing.

I also remember SC had a terrible time last year with wild fires getting out of control and causing a lot of damage. During that time Governor Sanford was out of the state on “business” and it was found that at least part of the time he had been seeing his mistress. Later, during his “hike along the Appalachian Trail” he left the state and country for, what was it, five or six days, and told neither his staff nor his colleagues in the state legislature where he was. There was a panic for a period of time because of this, and he left no one in charge in his stead. A state vehicle he was using was found at an Atlanta airport, I think it was…

Of course, we all heard his press conference upon his return that meandered into self-evaluative musings and a confessional therapy session when his charge should have been to reassure the people of his state that “business as usual” would have to change into something much more professional.

Since then, it has been found that he, at times, used the advantage of his position during state-funded business trips to make detours to see his mistress. He also often stayed in very expensive hotels, flew first class, etc. (some of which he has since paid back to the state). This, all while chastising other government officials about travel expenses and the need to rein in spending. This issue was even one of his campaign pledges: reducing the expenditures for the ways state officials travel! He also ran on God and family, and moral responsibility…blah, blah…ad nauseam. Not to mention he had harsh criticisms for Bill Clinton when news of Clinton’s affair became public.

I didn’t find his affair in and of itself to be problematic; I saw it as a personal and family tragedy. My objection to his actions was in his hypocrisy. I also thought he displayed such an overt error in judgement and a profound lack of responsibility to the people of his state.

Mark Sanford is also a member of “The Family.” This is a group of powerful and wealthy Christian men who have a headquarters on C Street in Washington, D.C. They had tax-exempt status for many years because they were incorporated as a church (they lost that status last year). Their objective appears to be to facilitate and spread the idea of Christianity into business and politics. Many congressional leaders are also members. The faction of the family Mark Sanford belongs to believe that they have been pre-ordained by God to have wealth, and to hold positions of power. They also believe that while they may stray from a path of righteousness from time to time, they see themselves as above others because of being chosen by God to achieve His goals. Senator John Ensign, who is also a member of “The Family” was counseled by members when he had his affair on ways to buy off those who knew about his affair and might potentially cause him political harm. Sanford was also counseled on ways he could minimize political fall-out from his affair.

When I first heard of Sanford’s affair, I had sympathy for Jenny Sanford. It must have been emotionally devastating and a profound embarrassment for her. She seemed to handle the situation with a dignity rarely seen these days, which has made her very popular with the people in her state and around the country. I didn’t think much beyond that until mention of her book in the media. And in hearing her speak on the show today, I find her media blitz, if you will, to be supremely egotistical and even narcissistic, as well as opportunistic.

Both she and her husband display a kind of hubris to think their personal stories warrant so much public confession and analysis. Both, of course, have motives for such desire to be in the spotlight. Mark wants to salvage some semblance of a political career and retain governorship; Jenny’s motives seem less clear, although some may very well be part of a healing process and her way of coming to terms with the emotional turmoil she has had to endure. I don’t begrudge her that aspect of what may be going on. I do not much care for the ostensible opportunistic quality of her decision, though, to get a book out and move closer to the spotlight; it doesn’t quite square with her so-called desires to have normalcy return to her family. I suspect that partly it is a decision to garner support and gain advantage in the settlement of her divorce. I also get a strong sense that she will emerge as a political figure sometime in the next two-four years, maybe as a candidate herself for the governorship, or for the state legislature, maybe even state senator, who knows, but keep an eye on Jenny Sanford. She is headed for political renown.

“Jenny Sanford’s brand of you-go-girl conservative righteousness is right up there with Sarah Palin’s insidious backwards “feminism”. It gestures towards women’s empowerment, but it actually serves to support a very narrow, particular definition of gender roles: Women must be devoted servants to the cause of maintaining white, Christian, male dominance – devoted, devoted, devoted…to husbands, sons, and finally, when all else fails, to Jesus, who in Jenny’s own words, “never disappoints”.” -Jenny

I found myself nodding in agreement with this comment. Ms. Sanford sounds like she has engaged in a mixture of naivete, submissiveness to chauvinism, blind religiosity, and a desire to acquire power.

She played a very large role in Gov. Sanford’s rise to power. There has also been much rumor for years about Mark Sanford being a philandering and selfish person. Jenny Sanford doesn’t strike me as quite as naive as she appears. Also, she knew where the governor was when he was off seeing his mistress. She kept it from his staff and colleagues who were quite in a panic at one point. If Mark Sanford had decided not to go public, I think most likely she would have been happy to be complicit in his behaviors. She obviously likes the spotlight and power. It’s just that Mark Sanford didn’t give her a choice with his “press conference.”

With infidelity as high as it is in this country I think it is instructive to learn what drives this treachery and how the wronged grapple with the consequences. This story captivated the country and her book is sure to be a best seller. Because she is a public person by marriage, I think she deserves the right to tell her side of the story, especially when there has been so much misinformation.

It works both ways why do marriages fail and end in cheating? Sure we can’t understand why these things happen but sometimes it is because we feel neglected and not appreciated. I neglected my husband but he has never cheated on me, it was me. We are working on staying together but my spouse still does not understand marriage is not just a business deal, it is more than that and spending time together is not what he is good at. I can’t say my hubby won’t cheat now and that will always be in the back of my head.

“A show on hiking would be more interesting.” — John

Bwaahahaaha!!

too bad npr wastes time on this, just like diane rehm wasted time on the wife of that other southern pres candidate…what’s his name, with the smooth hairdo? I think these women are disturbed, using their one chance of noteriety to earn some bucks, and ignoring the that it will humiliate their children in the process. I always change channels at even a sniff of this sensationalist stink.

Give me a break–instructive? Who cares? It’s all her perspective and imagination unless he writes a book, too, and I pray that he doesn’t. No one wants to read about old guys and their precious searches for their soulmates. He’s a philanderer and she’s a revenge seeker of the lowest kind, one who thinks it’s just fine to drag everyone not involved in their marital mess through the mud with them.

My goldfish are more mature, loyal, and loving than these two infants.

COMATOSE/INASTUPOR, you beat me to it on the lightbulb, in re: “Now I have enough slime on you via my marriage to write a book.”
The far more attractive book, in many ways, would be the tale of that “hike in the Appalachians,” with the tears and the soulmate, the finagling for cover, for escape. The scramblings of the lost soul in a storm make far far more interesting reading than the spine of the individual holding firm in the gale.
Mark to Jenny: “My dear, you have taken the lead in book-philandering, sharing our lives the way I shared my body, and so it is my turn. I will “Find Myself,” or however you phrase it, by writing the True Story of my Life in Argentina. And then we can run for president against one another.”
I watch this unfold the way I watch the Tea Party evolve, very carefully.

What about YOUR integrity?

Jenny, what about commitment to marriage, no matter what? Marriage vows say “‘until death do us part.” It shouldn’t matter if HE broke his vows. You should not have broken yours by ordering him out and divorcing him.

Integrity is the act of remaining true to your commitment, even when the situation has changed.

Feb. 10, 2010
Dear Tom:

We’re beginning to become concerned about the choice of interviews on your show.

On Wednesday, 2-10. you had Jenny Sanford on to discuss her book.
It seems to us (Ebony&Ivory) that with all the issues our republic is facing that some more appropriate authors could have been invited on your show.
People such as Malalai Joya, a courageous Afghanistani female politician whose book speaks to real oppression of women and spells out the reasons why we shouldn’t be in their country would have been a better choice than Ms. Sanford who’s more interested in vengeance than our country’s ills,

Another choice could have been Jeremy Scahill who’s written about the dark side of our military. I believe he has been on with you, but a second time still would have better
.
Or perhaps an expansion of your first hour with Professor Lessig and Jonathon Turley,

Tom please leave this type of stuff to the tabloids and cable tv.

Thanks
Two of your faithful listeners
Nick Mendes (Ebony)
Joel Nickerson (Ivory)

PS just saw your lineup for Thursday thanx

She may be a nice person but she married a scumbag and the scumbag had it (before they got married) written all over his face who he was, he waved signs, he submitted papers that basically said: I am God, you are nothing, you never will be more than my servant. And yet she married her. She shares the blame for giving birth to 4 children FROM this guy!!!!!

I heard most of the interview last night on KVCR-FM and I was astounded as to how long Jenny Sanford stayed with an obviously narcissistic kook. Looking back on my second marriage that ended in divorce I can see how wacky and unreasonable I was even though I thought I had learned something from my first marriage (no children in either one). Marriage is hard work which involves a ‘chemical’ attraction at first with emotional and mental maturity along with it. Is Mark Sanford related to the late governor and senator from North Carolina, Terry Sanford–who also ran for president in 1976, I think? The women I have been with in my life (I’m over 67) would not have put up with the shenanigans Jenny relates about her hubby for one hour, let alone one day! I wonder what Dr Laura would have advised on her radio advice show…

I thought I was listening to the “National Enquirer Hour”, if there is such a thing.

What Jenny Samford calls “quirky” is actually a classic case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder…….she does not have a clue about who the REAL man is she married. I have been married to and deceived by one now for 27 years; I will be 60 this year. My family has been destroyed as hers has by my husbands choices, and my life is a nightmare of lies and deceptions by a man that says and does whatever his “audience” expects at the moment. SELF-ABSORBED and never personally accountable only begins to describe a personality that cannot empathize and has no remorse for hurting others; their whole “game” is getting an angle over on someone with a self-serving motive. And they will use any platform or stage to do it……including public office, pulpit, choir, or Sunday School class. They “say” they believe in strong family values and they even quote the bible better than most, but the matter of the heart is the heart of the matter and they do not have any heart.

I do not know even after 30 years who my husband REALLY is……and neither does he. And neither does Mr or Mrs Samford or their four sons know in their situation. But for sure, what the public “sees” and knows is NOT what his family experiences in reality behind closed doors. He can talk the talk of faith, but he has no idea how to apply biblical principles to his everyday life, decisons and family. Walking the walk of authenticity and integrity is a foreign concept.

I am a Protestant believer in Christ and pray each day to live the walk of faith authentically in my personal life. I can only be true and faithful in my own decisions and heart; I cannot do it for my husband and I am not accountable or responsible or to blame for his choices–whether right or wrong.

I have been reading for understanding about this baffling disorder for years now. It still has not helped me get off the treadmill totally, but I do know that is the only choice you have for sanity……to leave (either literally in fact or emotionally disconnect) and not look back. I admire Jenny for being strong enough in her walk with The LORD to do what is her only choice when there are not TWO willing to forgive and reconcile. She is exactly correct. Forgiveness is required/mandatory on both sides, but the process is not complete without reconciliation. He has not been willing to do that part of the hard work back to the unity and trust of his wife and sons. And she cannot make him do it.

She does need more understanding about this disorder and disfunctional behavior. This is not just another torrid affair by a man that has gone off-track and lost his way and moral compass as she calls it. This is a man that has deep-rooted phychological and sociopathic issues that he must confront in order to ever be different and capable of REAL UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

I suggest that Jenny and you others out there dealing with this same brokenness in your families begin to read and study about NPD……Patricia Evans has three excellent books to understanding….read them all in order. Then read “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft, “Adult Children of the Self Absorbed”,(check author) and Sam Vadkin “Malignant Self Love” to put it all into words.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder NPD is not what you think it is if you have never studied or researched it……And you are very blessed if you did not marry one. Hopefully, you will never have to know. But those of us who have lived and been the recipient of the fallout and insanity and “hell on earth” of NPD know without a shadow of a doubt that Jenny Samford has done the best she could with dignity and integrity and she has made the right decision for the sake of her sons. And once she truly understands the pathology that she has really been dealing with, I hope that she will write another book for the sake of all us other regular women and mothers (maybe in less public roles and fishbowls), but nevertheless, just as devastated by loving someone with NPD.

I highly recommend reviewing Sandra Brown’s books and seminars whose mission is to reveal the truth about this and help all those who feel they have no place to turn. If you think you may be dealing with this in your own life, Look her up at:
http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com

I pray some of this information helps someone out there that has been feeling helpless and hopeless. I appreciate the airing of the radio interview that I stumbled on surfing this morning. The LORD says with your wisdom to get understanding and I pray that you will seek both from Him Above and receive answers to your prayers for your life and families.

Blessings, Shar

Jenny, I am glad you wrote the book. Eugenia Renskoff

typo correction to last post……thank you, shar

At first I admired Jenny Stanford until I read she discussed with her ex-husband his desire not to use the term faithful in their marriage vows. Sounds like she had a clue before she jumped over the broom.
Call me old fashioned but I will not spend my money on her spins and I hope the South Carolina taxpayers demand her ex-husband return the monies he used for personal use.